application

I’ve come back to the company that

previously rejected me..

This time I was able to go through with it till

the very end, which was the final interview.

There’s a stigma that goes with being let go

by your previous company.

That made me tell a white lie, and it didn’t go

well..

She didn’t think I could be with their company

for a very long time..

But she had nothing but praises for me..

I guess I should have just told them that I

was also a victim of the economic recession.

I was one of those people that were laid off.

They chosed me because I took more time to

get used to their system, and also because

I am seriously considering a career change..

But it was a good learning experience and I 

benefited a lot from it.

Maybe its time to just hang loose and follow

my heart..

Even if I starve to death, atleast

I am happy!

Getting up…

The state of the world is getting more and more horrifying…

I don’t know why but, I tend to slack off more..

There is no certain bounce in my step..

Everything seems to become a drag..

No more inner passion..

I guess me like everyone in this world has submitted to this

suffering and pain of existence..

We just exist.

It makes me sad when I come out of that state, every now and then.

But when I get to that hypnotic state everything turns out fine..

I have submitted 4 resumes in the past months.

I’m giving up on my so called dreams.

I’m tired of hustling.

From now on I’ll just submit to anything life will give me..

I’ll be full of gratitude and accept my fate as is..

One employer called me from a big reputable company,

I’m crossing my fingers on this one.

Last time I applied for a position, I got rejected..

I took it really hard and felt that they were prejudiced

towards me..

I felt that they were homophobic and that they thought of me to be gay.

I don’t know, may be it’s just me. I’m overly sensitive.

But at that time I felt like they were.

Maybe it’s just the interviewer. Not the company itself.

Maybe I took it hard just because I was over confident.

Because this is the only field I know I really am good at.

But I’ve grown as a person since then and that is why I’m going back.

I’ll get out more and try everything.

Take risks and learn from them.

It’s the only way for me to overcome everything in this life.

I have to not take life seriously and just be…

Report

I feel a great need to do something.

I didn’t find anything that I could really do.

This is a big deal because I feel that I should

be the one who takes care of everyone.

That image is the one that gets me.

I ain’t humble at all.

I’m just like the rest too much ego..

I’ve decided to embrace my true self which is

nothing, and everything all at the same time.

I look back at my life and it just became so clear.

My unhappiness has gone and I’ve finally accepted

and surrendered.

It was difficult at first relinquishing my so called self 

image.

But everything is fine now and I would continually be.

ever

Here again trying to get up..

I can’t help but to start a new life.

You get so scared at first. 

But now it seems as if I’m finally ready.

I was abandoned left with nothing.

Depressing but it’s a fact of life.

When I lost everything I was associated to.

I had nothing ..

No friends, no acquaintances, no life to call my own..

Jobless

I lost my job. It’s been two months now..

I was so ashamed of  what happened that I didn’t

tell anybody about it.

I actually resigned, it was a forced resignation.

I feel like a failure..

I can’t admit to myself that I messed up..

Of all people!..

My pride won’t let me admit or confess it to anyone..

I find that the longer you stay home under this

circumstances the more you lose confidence..

Indeed it’s best to keep on failing and trying to

look for a job rather than stay home and wallow in

your misery.

But I wished it was as easy as writing it like this..

I’m beginning to question god.

But I know I’m just being ridiculous because

I was the one who chose this path.

I’m just so frustrated of not finding a good paying

job with my calling..

It’s easier to find the job you don’t want..

I’m supposed to leave home today and apply for a job.

But my heart is really not into it.

It’s saying `not that again’…

I stopped by a mall where I am now checking my emails

hoping that I would have an opportunity at least to get

to where I want to go..